The CELEBRATION news"E"letter

Number 20, January 2001

by Laura M. Stack, MBA, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional)

Published by Celebration Presentations

…your Personal and Professional Development Resource

The CELEBRATION news”E”letter is a monthly electronic newsletter distributed to our clients, human resource personnel, and colleagues.  Laura Stack helps people leave the office earlier, with less stress, and more to show for it!  Our programs provide the personal productivity, communication, and professional development skills needed to improve performance on the job and create organizational growth. 

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NEWS: Personal news: I had an ultrasound today and found out that we are expecting a BOY in June!  Now Johnny will have a brother!  Hmmm… two boys, 16 months apart…wow…does anyone have any stress management advice?  Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be the expert.  :)

Business news: I’ve started a SQUEEZIE STRESS RELIEF CLUB!  These “squeezie babies” are the RAGE with one of my clients, VISA USA.  Their employees collect, hoard, and hide these toys just like beanie babies!  You can join the Club for $25 annually (one a quarter).  The first squeezie baby in the series is a clock.

IN THIS ISSUE:

·                    Article: “Oh, Your Picky-Picky Standards ”

·                    Time Tips and Traps

·                    Words of Wisdom

·                    Featured Program: “Laugh Your Way to Success!”

ARTICLE: “Oh, Your Picky-Picky Standards ” by Laura Stack, MBA, CSP

Think about this—do your high standards in housework ever keep your family members from helping you, or make you unsatisfied even when they do?  Has your young son or daughter ever offered to set the table, and instead of being easygoing and flexible in your standards, you berate him or her for doing it the wrong way?  Have you ever used delegation to prune down your level of responsibility at work, then taken the task back because the individual didn’t do it the way you did?  Have you ever managed to claim a small victory by getting your significant other to pay the bills or perform a small chore, then complain that he or she did it incorrectly?  Many times we stop enlisting others’ help altogether because we are afraid they won’t do it the right way—our way.  Well, congratulations—your standards just cost you some free time.  You’re welcome to do all the work yourself, and others will be perfectly happy to let you do it “your way.” 

Do you suffer from this disease of perfectionism?  Do these phrases sound familiar:  “If I let someone else do this, it won’t be done correctly!”  “If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself.”  “If you can’t do something right, it’s not worth doing at all.”  If you hear yourself saying these things, watch it!  Do you truly believe your way is the only way?  Do you demand so much from yourself that you place unrealistically high expectations on others?  Do people have to perform just so, according to your perfect standards? 

Now let me qualify these rather strong statements.  I’m not saying to loosen your standards on everything.  When the situation requires high standards, keep your expectations high.  For example, if I overhead a pilot saying, “Well, I landed all my planes last week except one,” I’d worry slightly if that person was at the controls of my plane.  Or, if I was having brain surgery, I hope the surgeon wouldn’t ask the technician, “Is this the right place to cut?”  As professionals, we must demand the best in some situations if it’s required.  But in other situations, when it really doesn’t matter, be flexible and let small mistakes go.  Ask yourself, “Is this acceptable?”  Perhaps a team member performed a task differently than you might have, but it may be perfectly satisfactory given the circumstances.

Why is eliminating perfectionism so important?  Given today’s workplace reality of longer hours and more work, you’re going to make yourself nuts by trying to be perfect and probably others around you as well.  My belief is that if you are the only one who can fix it, handle it, or do it—you deserve it.  With all the restructuring of organizations today, everyone has more responsibilities than ever before.  You’re going to have to learn to trust others and let them handle their work in the way they see fit.

For example, I had a boss who prided himself on his writing ability and insisted on reviewing and bleeding upon every document going out of the department.  Was it really necessary for him to change my writing style, sentence structure, and word choice to reflect his preferences?  I believe my writing is quite sufficient.  He should have instead asked himself, “Is this document technically correct?  Is it understandable?”  If it is acceptable, who cares how it’s worded!  Save yourself and others some time and frustration.  Now, again, use caution.  If you’re reviewing a multi-million dollar contract for your largest client, please cross every “T,” dot every “I,” and stick by your high standards. 

The key is to strive towards performance criterion that are adaptive, realistic, and attainable.  When good enough will do, let it be.  I have a friend who once complained to me that her spouse went to the grocery store for her (which was normally her chore) and bought the wrong kind of peanut butter.  My jaw dropped, and I told her, “You have to be kidding!”  At some level, isn’t peanut butter, peanut butter?  He’ll never do that chore willingly again, and she sacrificed her free time because of her picky standards. 

When you relax your perfectionism, your co-workers, subordinates, and family members will appreciate not having to conform to your way of doing things.  There’s another bonus in it for you as well.  By letting go of unnecessarily high standards, you eventually won’t be bothered by small stuff, and there won’t be as many situations that provoke you.  When you let go of your picky-picky standards, you won’t get hot and bothered over an occasional blooper by a staff member.  You’ll feel no need to even mention it—you just let it pass.  You will lower your stress levels and appear more flexible when you ease up on others.

Besides letting up on others, we must let up on the demands we place on ourselves.  Perfectionism is an epidemic in America.  It is not a positive character trait, to be worn like a medal.  If you call yourself a perfectionist, you have a particularly unrealistic standard of evaluation for your behavior, since, by definition, perfection is unattainable.  You will never achieve the levels you demand of yourself.  Because of this, perfectionism affects your feelings about yourself in negative, undesirable ways.  You inflate the importance of mistakes, critical feedback, and minor flaws and distort their significance.  You rarely experience satisfaction in your performance because it’s never good enough.  In your mind, you could have always done better.  So, you become hesitant to try new things because you don’t want to fail.  Relax.  You’re bound to make mistakes.  Learn from them, then let them go. 

And remember, you don’t appreciate being told to change or that you’re not good enough—so don’t do it to others.

TIME TIPS AND TRAPS

·        Keep a stash of cards, envelopes, and stamps at your desk.  Then you won’t have to run out if you’ve forgotten a birthday or need to get a quick thank-you note in the mail.  Stock up and organize cards at home with a discount company such as Current (they have a great greeting card organizer, 1-800-848-2848).  Order stamps over the phone and you’ll save yourself another trip.  Call the U.S. Postal Service at 1-800-782-6724 and order in larger quantities; they deliver in three days.

·        Don’t allow your kids to over schedule themselves.  Have older kids select a couple of activities that they really enjoy and drop the rest.  The rest of their free time should be spent with the family.  They won’t feel overextended or harried, and you’ll spend less time shuttling them to and fro.

·        Tame your TV.  The average kid spends 25 hours a week on television and adults aren’t much better!  That’s a great deal of time that could be spent completing projects, enjoying hobbies, or simply being together.  Make a rule with yourself about how many hours of TV you can watch a week, sit down with the TV guide on Sundays, and select which shows you will watch.  Turn on the TV and turn it off again immediately when you’re show is over.  Or use your VCR to tape your favorite TV programs and fast-forward through the commercials when you view it.  You’ll save about 15 minutes for every hour of programming.

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WORDS OF WISDOM

"Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle."  -- Michaelangelo

"Always give yourself a game you can win."   -- Kathryn Allen

"It is simplicity of intention that gives consistency to life."  -- William Braithwaite   

"Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity."   -- Charles Mingus

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FEATURED PROGRAM: “Laugh Your Way to Success”

Most people are far too serious!  In fact, U.S. workers consume over 15 tons of aspirin daily!  Many of us have lost touch with the importance of fun in the workplace as a way of increasing creativity and communication, improving morale, and creating stronger teams.  At the end of this lively session, you will learn strategies to inject humor into your day, increase your sense of humor, diffuse anger and tension, and help your co-workers lighten up!

Course Objectives

·        Learn Why Humor is Necessary at Work

·        Use Humor as a Tool to Counteract Stress

·        Experience the Results of Lightening-Up!

·        Learn Fun Humor Strategies!

·        Inject Humor Into Your Organization

·        Learn Humor Strategies to Help You Regain Your Sense of Humor

·        See the Funny Side of Potentially Tense Situations

·        Use Humor to Strengthen Relationships with Others

·        Rediscover Happiness and Playfulness

·        Use Verbal Aikido to Diffuse Tension

·        Study Companies That Use Humor Effectively

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Contact info:

Mailing address: 9948 S. Cottoncreek Drive, Highlands Ranch, CO  80130

Phone: 303-471-7401

Fax: 303-471-7402

Email: Laura@LauraStack.com

Website: www.LauraStack.com